“It’s Alive!” The Republican Franken-Candidate


Many critics (including me) have postulated that there isn’t one potential Republican candidate that doesn’t have an Achilles Heel. Romney has Romneycare (and the Mormon thing). Huntsman has the ‘Obama supported me’ (and the Mormon thing). Pawlenty has the boring thing although some have likened him to the Superman candidate. However, he is turning out to be more like Clark Kent. Whether he can pop into a nearby phone booth and morph into the super candidate remains to be seen. Bachmann has the wild-eyed, bat-crap crazy, Tea Party thing along with a litany of video to back that up. Herman Cain has no political experience. Ron Paul is…well, Ron Paul. Palin is an empty suited, quitter, tease who only wants to milk this for future book sales. Gingrich has his compromised ethics and questionable political history combined with his really bad week in media.

There is no Republican candidate, declared or not, who can compete with incumbent President Obama’s frequently challenged résumé and oft-questioned religious views who can compare. Perhaps if there were a candidate that had multiple qualifications of all these potential Republican candidates they might have a chance. Enter Dr. Frankenstein. Let’s cobble together one desireable candidate off of all these less than viable wannabes.

I present to you an idea: declare your Vice-President immediately. Think about it; Pawlenty / Huntsman. That tag team would totally be a problem for the Obama Campaign. How about Romney / Huckabee? Huck gets street cred while Romney soothes those anti-Mormon sentiments in the south. How about (insert candidate here) / Palin? Come on. Does anybody really want her as President? Bachmann / Cain; yeah let’s just nuke the country in a painless death.

The tag team may be the best strategy for Republicans in 2012. I can’t see any other winning strategy.

About Mr. Universe

Mr. Universe is a musician/songwriter and an ex-patriot of the south. He currently lives and teaches at a University in the Pacific Northwest. He is a long distance hiker who has hiked the Appalachian Trail and the Pacific Crest Trail. He is also an author and woodworker. An outspoken political voice, he takes a decidedly liberal stance in politics.
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5 Responses to “It’s Alive!” The Republican Franken-Candidate

  1. fopplssiegeparty says:

    Any of those combinations would mean certain death, but I can’t imagine it being painless.

  2. shortchain says:

    The real frankenstein candidate would be the reanimated corpse of Reagan, with any of the above as vice. And don’t think Pawlenty wouldn’t do it if he thought he could get away with it. Even as we speak, deep in the Disney Corporation labs, animatronic wizards are working on the Reagonbot 3.0 (2.0 was Reagan’s second term, a miracle of modern taxidermy), now more lifelike and, thanks to advances in microelectronics, with more memory capacity than 2.0, which couldn’t recall what it had authorized the previous day.

  3. mclever says:

    LOL, shortchain! Reaganbot 3.0. Too funny!

    My thinking is that the “Franken-candidate” will be whichever of the schmucks running against Mitt who can keep their “blank slate” intact for voters to project their ideals onto while simultaneously seeming like he (or she) has a vision for the future. In that regard, T-Paw is a Rorschach candidate whose greatest asset may be his low name recognition, because no one yet knows what box to put him in.

    We’re seeing that effect with each of the wannabes as they bubble up into the public’s awareness, where initially everyone’s hopes get projected onto them, until the light gets brighter and the flaws become more apparent.

  4. shortchain says:

    I think Tiny Tim is already becoming fairly well known — as a serial fabricator. He certainly is known for that in Minnesota. Not to mention basically abandoning his office for the last two years.

  5. Mr. Universe says:

    There was a former MN Governor on TV last night that poked all kind of holes in T-Paws claims of balancing the budget. Says he just swept all of it under the carpet or stole it from other areas that somebody else will have to deal with later.

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