Sorry Mitt, We’re Just Not That Into You

Mitt at the prom

Following the caucuses in Minnesota, Colorado, and the non-binding straw poll in Missouri, it seems despite the party line ‘inevitability’ meme that the honeymoon is over. Mitt was on his best behaviour. He brought flowers, opened the doors, pulled out the chairs, ordered the right wine, everything a good first date should do. But in the end, we just weren’t all that impressed.

So we’ve been seeing other guys on the side. They haven’t been all that impressive either. We had some bad boys. That Gingrich guy, for example. He’s all tough talking and whatnot. But we couldn’t trust him as far as he could be thrown (which isn’t far). Besides, we’d be competing with his girl; the replicant escapee from the Tyrell Corporation.

We had a fling with the good ol’ boy from Texas and that went nowhere pretty fast. We tried the black guy and the girl, too just to get it out of our system. But Mama always told us to go with the good Christian boys so no offense, Mitt, we’re just not that into you even if you are rich.

Mitt Romney needs some serious rebranding if he intends to keep his campaign alive. Polling for Santorum after his big wins in the last three races has him ahead of Romney in Michigan, a state that was supposed to be a no brainer for Romney since he was born in Detroit. But it turns out that on a county by county basis, Detroit is the only part of Michigan that is going for Romney.

And it’s not just in Michigan. Romney’s favourables nationwide have plummeted since the beginning of 2012 while his unfavourables have blown through the roof. But the question that still lingers is isn’t this the trend we’ve already become accustomed to? Santorum isn’t the first candidate to propose a direct threat to Mitt Romney in the polls. In fact, aside from Ron Paul and Jon Huntsman, Santorum is the last candidate to threaten Romney’s 25 -30% range in the polls.

Romney barely squeaked by with Maine with Ron Paul contesting the outcome claiming that Romney essentially stole Maine from him and there is some evidence to support that claim. Nothing at this point is a lock. Arizona and Michigan are coming up at the end of the month. Romney was expected to do well in both but if Santorum takes Michigan, Super Tuesday could be interesting. It’s ironic to see pundits telling Newt Gingrich to exit the race and get behind Santorum when it was Newt making the same proclamation to Santorum after South Carolina.

We can’t leave out Washington’s caucus, either. Some reports indicate that there may be a mass Ron Paul push from Democrats, independents, and Ron Paul Zombies alike in the open caucus just before Super Tuesday.

Think of Super Tuesday as the prom. Mitt asked us to go to it some months back and it’s his last chance to woo us with his charm, handsomeness, and money. Mama may be right, though. We may have to dump him for the nice religious boy.


About Mr. Universe

Mr. Universe is a musician/songwriter and an ex-patriot of the south. He currently lives and teaches at a University in the Pacific Northwest. He is a long distance hiker who has hiked the Appalachian Trail and the Pacific Crest Trail. He is also an author and woodworker. An outspoken political voice, he takes a decidedly liberal stance in politics.
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One Response to Sorry Mitt, We’re Just Not That Into You

  1. DerFarm says:

    It looks as tho Mittens might be in trouble in Arizona. All else being equal, if he doesn’t take out Santorum fast, he ain’t gonna get the job done.

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